The Pervasive Web of Constructs - The Reasons Why You Do What You Do - Part 2
Episode 11 Part 2
Hello and welcome back to Part 2 of our exploration into The Pervasive Web of Constructs, in the Tricks of Trauma Program.
In this episode, we are going to go deeper into the elaborate fabric of our constructs, which are ideas that influence every aspect of our lives. We will build upon our previous chapter, in which we'll unravel the underlying reasons behind our behaviors and, why we do what we do.
Just as a skilled archaeologist, who carefully uncovers layers of history that is buried beneath the earth's surface, we are going to excavate the layers of our psyche instead, to reveal the hidden forces that are at play. Imagine your mind as a vast tapestry, that is woven with threads of thoughts, beliefs, ideas, feelings, and experiences. Each of these threads is contributing to the interwoven fabric of your life.
Together, we will explore how our constructs shape our perception, and how they guide our actions. Join me as we venture into the depths of our inner reality, illuminating the path to expanding our awareness and resulting transformation.
So, let’s begin Part 2 of
The Pervasive Web of Constructs – The Reasons Why You Do What You Do - Part 2
In our current timeframe, we find ourselves undergoing a significant global transformation, which involves moving away from a longstanding blueprint that has dominated the perception of our separation. Ideas like "every man for himself," "it's a dog-eat-dog world," "fend for yourself," "win at all costs," "looking out for number one," and even "survival of the fittest" all reflect a competitive mindset, that often prioritize our self-preservation, whilst overshadowing the importance of collaboration and our interconnectedness. With these constructs at play, genuine cooperation as defined in the Tricks of Trauma Program, seems like a distant dream.
These inherited constructs that you tend to blindly accept, lack balance, and they have been passed down through many generations. They are what shape your worldview as you allow them to dictate your actions with little scrutiny. Yet, these ideas are not set in stone; and thank goodness for that. Why? Because it means that you can change them as you expand your awareness to see how they influence you.
As you navigate your beliefs and the ideas or constructs that are woven around them, it's important to understand how these constructs shape your perception and your choices. When they are not balanced, they will overlook the significance of your individual autonomy, and they block the collaboration that is needed for our global societal changes and progress.
In a balanced approach, you are encouraged to pursue your own interests and beliefs without feeling pressured to conform to any external authorities or group norms. Instead of blindly obeying dictates for the greater good, you become empowered to make decisions that align with your own values and desires, as you still consider the well-being of others and the broader community you live in.
Interdependence becomes key in this paradigm, as you begin to recognize the interconnectedness of your actions and the impact they have on others. Rather than being solely self-reliant, you come to understand the importance of collaboration and mutual support in achieving common goals, and you are able to assist in addressing our collective challenges, that we are all facing today.
Overall, this approach strives to create a society where your individual autonomy is valued, and that means your freedom, but never at the expense of your empathy, cooperation, and collective well-being. It's about finding a harmonious balance between your personal freedom and your social responsibility, where you are empowered to thrive, while you also contribute to your community. And this requires you to heal your trauma, by addressing your psychological wounds, in order to transform yourself so you can return to your natural state of being.
As I mentioned, it is important to become aware of how you shape your reality, in order to empower yourself to transform it. So, how do we begin? Well, the first step is, we must redefine the ideas in our world, by creating new ideas that are to our greatest benefit instead. Otherwise, we will remain powerless to change our world, as we continue watching it dismantle before our very eyes.
After all, we exist in a reality that is constructed from ideas.
Everything we create begins in our mind, and we change our world from the inside, not by trying to change and control what we see on the outside. And this is what we must role model by example to our children and young ones, and reinforce to them who they genuinely are. That they are wondrous, capable, valuable, and very important, and as we get to know and appreciate our children, we prevent them from falling into the nasty not enough syndrome. This allows them to mature into adulthood, maintaining their power as an individual in our world, and they avoid getting swept into the swirling victim vortex. You raise them to know that they have the power to choose.
When we redefine and change our ideas to what is to our greatest benefit, we can begin to rebuild our world with these new constructs. We can build it with ideas that align with benefiting each and every earth traveler. This all begins when you prioritize your own well-being. Change must begin within yourself, one person at a time. Otherwise, how else can we transform our world?
Understanding and knowing that you can dismantle and knock down your constructs that breed conflict and stifle your personal growth is vital. Remember, constructs, in a psychological or cognitive sense, are the mental framework of your beliefs and your ideas around them, that shape your interpretation of the world. Consider the clichés I mentioned at the beginning —can you see how perhaps they might be influencing your actions, decisions, and perception of reality?
Often, these constructs operate on autopilot, and they shape your worldview with you giving very little consideration to them. Yet, each and every one of us, has the ability to change our perception, and this is how we hold great power. We can reclaim our self-mastery, once we understand how our perception is influenced by our ideas, and rebuild it with constructs that bring into manifestation our genuine desires, peace and cooperation, and our well-being.
Visualize your constructs as the scaffolding of your mind—a framework of ideas wrapping around your beliefs, shaping your perception of the world. You can look at them as the architect of your perception, silently guiding your actions and decisions. Consider where these constructs, or the ideas you hold about your obligations and your need to conform come from. Where do they lead you? Who is steering your boat? Are you at the captain’s helm, or are your constructs dictating your every move?
Are they urging you to obey orders and conform just so you can belong? Then you breathe a sigh of relief, trying to keep yourself as invisible as possible, to avoid being ostracized, labeled as being different, a quack, becoming the black sheep, or being ridiculed, even cancelled and so on? And when you conform to group think, you know just so you don’t stand out, because you just want to belong, even though you don’t agree, my dear fellow earth traveler, it will always come at the expense of your peace and genuine desire. And you can’t lead yourself to what makes you content and gives you satisfaction.
Picture your constructs as big towering walls that are blocking your way forward. But guess what? You’ve got dynamite! And now let the demolition begin.
Imagine blasting through these barriers that stand in your way, into smithereens. Each blast is like breaking free from something that is holding you back. Just as demolition experts strategically place explosives to bring down towering structures, you also can also strategically blow up these constructs. And when all is said and done, you are left with a wide-open space where anything is possible. What are you going to choose?
Could it be that your constructs, the ideas you hold so absolutely to, you know, as to how things are supposed to be, are guiding you on autopilot. Why? Because you are not questioning yourself as to why you do what you do? You are not paying attention to the reason for what you do. If you're not making choices that are truly aligned with your desires, but you are following what your constructs are dictating, then you're not the captain steering towards your desired destination.
Your constructs, those ideas you are not paying attention to, are steering your wheel, not you. This may leave you wondering why things aren’t going quite according to plan. And you can’t seem to come up with an answer to think your way out of your challenges. And so, I suggest it’s time to begin to examine your constructs a little more closely, as they are holding the answers you seek.
Why? Because they provide you with insight into your actions and your behaviors. Which are the reasons for and why you do what you do. When you can understand why you're doing what you're doing, driven by the ideas and constructs you follow so absolutely, you gain the ability to evaluate whether they serve your best interests. Are they to your greatest benefit? If you find they don't align with your preferences or your values, you hold the power to blow them up into smithereens, and build new constructs to replace those ideas.
Just like children who play with building blocks, we can reconstruct our reality with ideas that reflect the light of our humanity, and what is to our greatest benefit, in order to come out of the darkness.
As you recognize the need for change, you begin to shift your focus to what benefits you most. It's essential to note that this isn't about being selfish, or doing whatever you please. When you prioritize and do what is to your greatest benefit, remember, you automatically benefit everyone around you, and the world you live in.
Your constructs are what is causing you to struggle. There are many narcissistic ideas that are deeply entrenched in our collective psyche, perpetuating a mindset focused solely on personal gain and advancement, often at the expense of the welfare of our communities. Not to mention our mother earth.
This egocentric paradigm fosters an environment where people are driven by self-interest, leading to competition, exploitation, and a lack of empathy or concern for others, and it keeps the slithering snake of opposing energy tightly wrapped around us. Recognizing and challenging these self-absorbed constructs, becomes essential for creating a far more compassionate and equitable society, where the needs and rights of all individuals are valued and respected.
So, why should we bother to focus on demolishing these constructs that don’t serve us?
Imagine a stage production that, over time, loses its relevance as it begins to falter.
Without the playwright reexamining and updating the script, the performance fails to engage the audience, leaving the director scratching his head, wondering why the theater sits empty. Similarly, in the grand production of life, it's crucial to question and rewrite your constructs so that you can thrive on your stage of life.
If we fail to change and rewrite our narratives, which are woven from our constructs and what we have come to believe, then the show we are creating fails to captivate our attention that brings us well-being, and we disengage. In other words, if we fail to do so, it may result in us exiting stage left, leaving behind an old outdated script, that left us spinning in the victim vortex, traumatized by what we have come to accept without question, muttering that I am just fine.
Unless of course, we rewrite our unfolding narratives, so they can reflect the vital changes our world so desperately needs instead. And, without sounding too bleak, I am sounding the alarm, that the time has come upon us, in which it's crucial to face the challenges ahead. How? By empowering ourselves to shape and choose the world we want to see and live in.
In our current reality, trauma plays a significant role in influencing our experiences and our interactions. Many earth travelers are deeply affected by trauma, yet they often remain unaware of its profound impact. Some fail to recognize the significance or necessity of healing their psychological wounds, oblivious to how their past experiences are shaping their present behavior. This lack of awareness leaves them feeling isolated and disconnected from themselves and others, unable to fully engage with the world around them.
Moreover, feelings of shame, blame, and guilt further inhibit our ability to address our pain, as we strive to maintain an appearance of having everything under control. Consequently, trauma has driven us to unparalleled levels of separation from both ourselves and others. Moreover, we carry constructs inherited from generations of trauma, which have rarely been addressed, perpetuating cycles of suffering and disconnection.
The irony is that our technological advancements, aimed at bringing us closer together, has led us to further separation. From the internet to social media, these innovations were designed to bridge, connect, and bring us closer together. However, rather than using these tools to enhance our personal connections, we've allowed them to overshadow much of our genuine human interaction. For instance, instead of having face-to-face conversations, we often resort to texting or using messaging apps, sacrificing the depth and authenticity of communicating directly with one another, as we opt for the convenience of using digital exchanges.
Our endeavors to unite and interconnect ourselves using our technology, has paradoxically resulted in the greatest historical separation from each other we as humans have ever experienced. These technological tools have nearly replaced our in-person interactions, signifying an unprecedented chapter in our human history. We are all social creatures, and we simply cannot thrive without being in the good company of others. Is it any wonder we feel depressed, lonely, and isolated, and we sit behind our technology, losing sight of the actual world we live in?
And so, metaphorically, this period of our history, heralds the birthing of our new reality. Just as mothers endure the pains and transformations that are inherent in childbirth, the shift in our consciousness, required to birth this new paradigm is not easily embraced. We humans have a strong tendency to resist change, often leading to conflicts and, unfortunately, more trauma as we navigate these profound changes. This is why it is so important to address and heal your psychological wounds, in order to effectively navigate your changing world. And if I may add a word of caution: Failure to let go of old paradigms can result in further trauma as we strive to adapt to these incoming changes.
Take for example, your everyday exchanges, such as your work place where you exchange your time and skills for a paycheck. Embedded in this exchange is the strong construct that one person can dictate terms to another. This idea also extends to nations dictating terms to one another, urging compliance. But here's the question: must we comply? And these are just a few examples of constructs that demand our scrutiny and need to be addressed if we aspire to see the change in our world we so urgently need.
Take love, for instance, which falls under the umbrella of the Religious Belief System. It beckons us to become introspective: How do I express love? How do I recognize it? What is the essence of love? How should I act when I experience love? These questions invite you to explore whether love is merely a feeling or an expression. Yet we have built many constructs around what we believe love is. And many of our constructs of love, come from trauma, and as a result we hold a distorted view of love as a result of those experiences. Why? Because that is all we know. This what we have been taught.
From the moment we enter this world, we're conditioned to perceive that love is a feeling. But do you recall our discussion on feelings in our last episode, and why it is important to understand that feelings are a signal; therefore, love cannot defined as a feeling. The signal we feel that we tend to define as love, is simply a feeling of affection. This calls us to reconsider our ingrained beliefs about what love is, so we can make a deeper exploration into its genuine nature, and unleash its true power in our world.
Nevertheless, we do hold love in high regard, often telling ourselves that we need more love in our world. We say that “love makes the world go 'round,” that “love is blind,” “that love conquers all.” We even assert that “all is fair in love and war,” and that “love knows no bounds.” It's even described as “a two-way street.” Yet, the fundamental question still persists: What is love?
And then of course, we further complicate matters by compartmentalizing love into distinct categories. Are you beginning to notice the degree of separation we are currently living in? We have been taught and are in the habit of compartmentalizing, and separating into parts, instead of seeing how reality is interconnected. To see things holistically.
For example, the love we have for our children, differs from the love we have for our partner, or pet, we tell ourselves. What's even more perplexing is the unsettling idea that we may claim to love our pets more than our partners. Perhaps because our furry friends don't talk back, and naturally they don’t hold any constructs. This raises an intriguing paradox about the nature and expression of love in our lives.
In Greek history, love has been categorized into three different types, which are Agape, Eros, and Philia. Agape is associated with unconditional love. It’s defined as an altruistic love for all people, regardless of their relationship to the person who is expressing Agape. This type of love is characterized by compassion, empathy, and a desire for the well-being of others. Agape is often considered the highest form of love in Greek philosophy and it is associated with divine or spiritual love.
Then there is Eros: This type of love is often associated with romantic or passionate love. It represents the intense, emotional, and physical attraction between partners. It pertains to a passionate or romantic love, and the pursuit of emotional and physical intimacy between two people.
And the third, Philia: This is often referred to as brotherly love or deep friendship. It's the love and affectionate regard one has for close friends or family members. It focuses on the bond of shared experiences, mutual understanding, and a reciprocation of emotions and support.
In summary, the Greek descriptions of love, embodied by Agape, Philia, and Eros, provide a comprehensive framework for understanding the various expressions of affection and connection within our experiences. Did you catch that? The various expressions of affection, which is not what love is. The feeling of affection is a signal. It prompts you to communicate what you are doing in the moment from your emotional response. Yet, these constructs, developed over centuries, continue to exert their influence upon us to this very day, leaving the definition of love deprived of its true meaning.
After all, romantic love is often portrayed as a journey filled with passion, excitement, and challenges, that quite frankly often end up in divorce. The idea of a battlefield suggests that the pursuit of romantic love can be intense and it may involve overcoming overwhelming difficulties, that may cause us to lament that “Love is a battlefield.” Really?
The phrase, “Friends are the family we choose for ourselves,” implies that relationships we form with friends can be as meaningful and significant as those with family members. It suggests that we have the ability to choose our friends based on shared values, interests, and mutual support. But how does that define love?
Lastly, consider Agape, a form of love that declares, "Love knows no boundaries." This love is often described as unconditional and selfless, therefore free from boundaries and limitations. It transcends prejudices, restrictions, and any conditions, embracing everyone with an open heart. Agape rises above your personal interests and expectations. Is that even realistic or possible?
For years, I clung to the construct of Agape as my idea of love, using it to justify remaining in abusive relationships. I firmly believed that my love for these men would transcend the harm, abuse, and dysfunction that we faced. I truly but naively believed that love conquered all. Reflecting on this construct now, well it does seem absurd.
It was only when I examined my idea of love, that I realized how irrational my perception of it was. Once I redefined what love is, it led me to finally break free from these toxic relationships. After all, how can you claim to love someone who devalues and physically assaults you? The truth is, you can't. And so, no matter how much I strived to maintain Agape's lofty ideal, it was never enough. Why? Because love does not inflict harm.
The challenge arises when we adopt these definitions of love as ideals to attain. Striving for Agape, for example, can lead to the "Not Enough Syndrome," perpetually leaving you dissatisfied if the construct dictates that a certain standard must be reached to truly love everyone and everything in your world.
This mindset can keep you stuck in toxic situations, as resulted with me. Trying to attain such a level of this definition of love may prove to be quite elusive. This stresses the importance of reevaluating our expectations and ideas of love, and to redefine it in a more practical and appreciative manner.
Furthermore, it's important to acknowledge that this idea of love Agape, undermines your personal preferences and choices. In other words, it's not only unreasonable, but ridiculous to believe that you have to love everyone and everything you encounter in your world. After all, you have your own preferences, your own likes and dislikes that are important to you.
Trying to blend everything into a homogeneous concoction of love is like throwing all your ingredients into a huge cauldron of soupy porridge. A pot full of the idea that you have to embrace and love everyone and everything. We are here to explore, and we have our own opinions, preferences, guidelines, and it is important to understand that you don’t have to like or love everything. Why? Because that denies your exploration and diversity of experience.
As you can see, these different categories of love are frequently influenced by our societal constructs, expectations, and personal experiences, that are passed down for many, many generations, without question.
However, don’t forget, these constructs that we have surrounded around what love is, have the power to shape and limit your understanding and expression of the profoundness of love. So, remind yourself to pause, to reflect on the nature of your relationships, so you can venture out to cultivate a more authentic experience of love.
So, precisely, how do we define love? In episode 5 of the Tricks of Trauma Program, we explored the essence of love, defining it as the act of knowing and appreciating. This definition, diverging from the traditional view of love as a feeling, and types of relationships that express different forms of love, invites you to consider love as a conscious and intentional connection with your beloved.
When we see things in this light, it's no surprise that how we commonly associate love with fleeting feelings and emotions, can often leave us in a state of confusion, feeling bereft and unloved. When we shift our understanding of what love is from a mere feeling to a deliberate practice of knowing and appreciating, the story of what we have been told to believe love is, begins to unravel, revealing a far more profound and enduring connection.
Love is universal and it applies to all that is. It is the knowing in genuine appreciation of who or what that is, whether it is a person, a book, a song, your pet, or a rock. Love is love, and it doesn’t differentiate between things, as it simply means to genuinely know and appreciate whoever or whatever it is.
This perspective aligns with the idea we have been discussing in our last episode, in which feelings are a signal prompting emotional communication about what you are doing in the present moment. By distinguishing love from your emotions and feelings, you can see it as a purposeful act of understanding and valuing. It's a paradigm shift that challenges your preconceived ideas of love, as it provides a fresh perspective on the true essence of love in our world.
The challenge then becomes unraveling the mystery of how to infuse more of this powerful expression into our world. Here's a hint: trying to feel your way into love is definitely not the way to go. The path to bringing more love into your world lies in a different direction. And what direction would that be you might ask? The direction you move in is to simply express it. But how you ask? You express love in whatever manner you may choose. It can be in having a conversation with the person you love, in writing them letters, or in doing simple gestures for them, which show your love and appreciation for them.
And here comes the tricky part. When you genuinely know and appreciate someone, which means you love them, you continue to express your love regardless of what they are doing or what they are expressing. Why? Because love never holds the expectation of reciprocation. This is about what you are doing, and the foundation that you are laying down in what you are doing, and it is about what you are expressing. You must have faith in what love brings, which always manifests in ways that can bridge the impossible.
Now that we have redefined and understand love in a deeper more meaningful way, it is time to look at the darker side of how we perceive love as a result of trauma. And by addressing our experiences and the constructs that choke what love is, we can begin to heal and express ourselves in new directions, where the sweet scent of love’s bloom can blossom once again.
So, get ready as we delve into the dark tunnel of sexual trauma, next time in the Tricks of Trauma Program. This widespread form of trauma affects a significant portion of people in our world, which is often kept hidden and secret, due to stigma, shame, and fear. Its profound and long-lasting effects can deeply affect our mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
Finding support, understanding, and resources is crucial in order to heal and reclaim your life. And the time has come, to remove the shame and stigma attached to these experiences. How? By addressing both sides of the victim coin, which is the victim/perpetrator dynamic.
Now, let's take a moment to pause and reflect on what we've discussed today. As we delve deeper into the pervasive influence of constructs, which give us the reason for why we do what we do, we're laying the groundwork for an insightful journey ahead. Join me in part 3 as we continue to unravel the complexities of our mental frameworks, and their impact on our perception and why we do what we do.
But, before we part ways, I'd like to leave you with some food for thought, and to recap what we discussed in our previous episode.
Embracing your healing and transformation requires you to release the grip on what is familiar. You must let go of the fight to maintain the status quo. While this new path may trigger resistance, it's essential to remember that what you resist persists. Therefore, please consider loosening your grasp on the old to welcome the possibilities of the new.
One effective way to calm your internal struggle, is to stop making whatever triggers opposition within you by making it significant. In other words, you stop making it important. When you encounter something that sparks resistance within you, well, you are beckoning the slithering snake of opposing energy, to come hissing by, and to coil itself around you.
Remind yourself to let go and stop making whatever it is that you don’t like, what makes you feel uncomfortable, and stop making it important, and then tell yourself to stop dwelling on it. I like to call it “Stop Your Stinking Thinking.” With practice, you'll notice that what you really do want to change will naturally do so, as you begin to shift once you decapitate the head of the opposing energy. Therefore, all you have to do, is trust in your ability to make this change, and begin to watch it happen once you let go, making your transformation your ultimate superpower.
Once you can recognize the significant role your ideas, constructs, feelings, and behaviors are playing in your life, well let’s face it, for a very long time, changing them can seem daunting. However, it's not impossible. Remember the impossible is quite possible, and all you have to do is remind yourself that you have been doing certain behaviors and actions for a very long time.
Remind yourself, that this is the reason that is leading you to believe that change is too hard, that it will take too much time, it’s not going to work, and that you just can’t do it. And once again, it is your mindset that will keep you stuck on the ledge of your mountain. And you may find yourself sliding down as you begin once again, to try to find ways to fix things, which most likely will not be successful. Why? Because trying to fix things never gives you the desired results you are looking for, well at least not in a way that will give you with what you truly want.
This is why it is so important to recognize the potential pitfalls of continually seeking methods to fix your challenges. Why? Because this approach perpetuates your internal conflict, as you continue to fight with yourself. Why do you do that? Once again, because you are reinforcing the importance of the issue at hand and you are continuing to pay attention to what you don’t like.
This is what is causing the fight within you. This is what is holding back your progress towards a satisfying resolution. And this principle applies to every single subject that you can imagine under the sun, regardless of what it is. This is the answer to your problems you are seeking.
I encourage you to contemplate this perspective, as it empowers you to lay the groundwork for your transformation. Remember, knowledge is power, as it serves as a catalyst to move you into your empowerment, by giving you the tools to effect change to become your superpower. After all, isn’t that what your transformative journey is all about?
Until next time,
Take self-care.