The Pervasive Web of Constructs - The Reasons Why You Do What You Do - Part 1

Episode 11 Part 1

Hello and Welcome to The Tricks of Trauma Program

Before we begin our exploration of constructs in today's episode, let's take a moment to look back at the rich tapestry of our emotions and feelings, that we unraveled in our last chapter. The aspects that shape your inner thoughts and feelings, and the ebb and flow of your emotions, serve as the canvas from which your transformative journey unfolds, as you continue to climb up your mountain.

So, allow me to share a few further insights that actively develop your understanding as to what your feelings are. These insights not only serve as a meaningful conclusion to our exploration of emotions, but they also pave the way for our next adventure into the realm of CONSTRUCTS.

As we move into understanding the foundations of our beliefs, it's important to recognize how your emotional reality is interconnected with the cognitive structures that shape your perceptions. And what is a cognitive structure you might ask? It is the organized framework of your interconnected thoughts, ideas, beliefs, and knowledge within your mind. It's basically the mental architecture that shapes how you perceive, understand, and process information.

These structures are what influence how you make your decisions, how you solve problems, and your overall cognitive processes, that help you make sense of the world around you. They play an integral role in shaping your perspectives, attitudes, and the way you interpret and respond to your life’s situations. In other words, how you create your reality.

So, let's dive in deep, so we can learn, and grow together.

In our last episode, we explored the importance of not following the sway of your feelings—a formidable challenge, I must confess.  Yet, we do tend to be guided by our feelings, which is how we often lead ourselves into uncomfortable situations.  This is why it is so vital to remind yourself that your feelings are a signal.  Once you have empowered yourself with this understanding, you can catch yourself in the act when your feelings start signaling your uncomfortable moments, and this way you gain mastery each time you can acknowledge and let them go.  

It is important to recognize that your feelings do hold genuine significance—they are real, they have a purpose, they are impactful, and they are important.  Feelings serve as powerful messengers, delivering messages that demand your attention.  They are not to be dismissed or ignored; or you may create a very dark mood. Instead, remind yourself that they are offering you valuable insights into your current state of being.  

Feelings that are strong and intense do have a clear intention, as they are designed to make you take notice.  But here’s the key:  remember your feelings always come paired with a statement, and that statement is your emotion.  Your emotions convey what you are doing in the moment. 

Unfortunately, in the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, many of us overlook our feelings, not being aware of our actions which is what we are doing, and therefore their emotional counterparts.  The challenge often lies in the lack of paying attention to ourselves because we are operating on autopilot, and this is what needs to change. 

That is the reason you have that signal, the feeling, so you can pause and notice what you are doing.  And I don’t mean by paying attention to whatever the situation is, or to what the other person is doing either.  Why?  Because you already know what the situation is or what they are doing.  After all, you are watching it.  Instead, you pay attention to the statement your emotion is expressing about what YOU are doing. 

Keep in mind that your emotions function as a direct communication about your current actions, and they are NOT complicated.  In essence, they are straightforward, short, and to the point.  I do understand the challenge in fully grasping the idea that your feelings serve as a form of communication, specifically through your emotions. But remember, these communications are only there to simply and directly identify what you are doing in the moment, and the feeling that accompanies it, serves as the signal guiding you to that message.  This connection between your feeling and the communication is the essence of what your emotions are. 

So, let's delve into how this dynamic unfolds, as I give you an example by using the feeling of being irritated with someone.  When you feel irked, even though you may not like it, it does serve as a beneficial emotional indicator, signaling your feeling of frustration, in your disagreement with someone or a situation in your present moment.  The emotional communication is always short and sweet, and it always goes directly to the point—therefore the emotional communication in this scenario is simply: I disagree.

Upon acknowledging this message, you can quickly evaluate and choose your next direction without reacting impulsively.  Remember, the communication from your emotions is not a complex essay; it's a simple, short, and precise statement:  as in this example, you disagree.  Now, ask yourself whether you want to address the disagreement or not.

In certain situations, honoring your direction and expressing your disagreement in a beneficial way can be important to you.  What this means is that you avoid automatic responses aimed at convincing the other person they are wrong.  Nope, never a good idea.  Why?  Because it beckons the slithering snake of opposing energy.  Instead, consider how you can respond in a manner that benefits you and respects your disagreement.

By staying focused on your own direction and not being swayed by the other person, you steer your ship with your attention on yourself, and where you want to go.  This prevents you from veering off course and losing sight of your desired direction, and this is how you remain the captain at your helm.  Remember, the goal is to avoid opposing the person you disagree with, or you may escalate your feelings to signal anger, distress, or even anxiety.           

Remember, your feelings are yours and yours alone.  Once you grasp this truth, you can finally exit the Blame Game and step into your empowerment.  Why?  Because you come to understand that you're not being manipulated by any outside sources.  It allows you to breathe a sigh of relief, as you come to realize that you are not at the mercy of other people—your feelings belong and they emerge from you. 

Therefore, it is important to realize that your emotions are not just a reaction to an outside stimulus or situation.  And why is this so important?  Because it gives you the power to choose your emotional response.  By taking ownership of your feelings, and as you wave your magic wand and acknowledge them, you in turn release the energy of your feelings and you let them go.  And this is how you get to choose.  And you avoid putting yourself into some very dark moods. You are powerful, and you can stop giving your power to becoming a victim of your feelings.  There, doesn’t that feel better already?            

Let's dive a bit deeper into the intricacies of your emotional experiences, to further reveal how your feelings are, in fact, a choice.  Yes, you are hearing me correctly, as I reiterate that they are a choice you make.  They are not just a response to your outside circumstances.  Instead, you can begin to look at the role that your beliefs, constructs, and how your perception plays in shaping your emotional responses.

Each individual does hold a unique set of belief systems, and these beliefs shape their perception.  As a result, your perception that is influenced by your beliefs creates your reality accordingly.  In other words, you come to understand that you are not just exploring the physiological and neurological aspects of your emotions.

This revelation is truly uplifting.  Why, you might ask?  Because once again, it empowers you with the understanding that you have the ability to choose your emotions.  Yes, let me repeat that again so that it really sinks in.  You have the power to choose what you feel. 

Look at it as if you’ve discovered a hidden switch, realizing that you hold the remote control to your own emotional channels.  This new found awareness allows you to begin your journey to consciously and intentionally create far more desirable emotional states.  To which I say, "Yippee ai yay!"

I do appreciate your efforts to grasp the concept of emotions and their role in communication.  It certainly seems like a complex topic, but it really isn’t, and your dedication to understanding it is commendable.  Your willingness to explore this territory is a gigantic leap up your mountain, and as you take these steps, one at a time, you are expanding your self-awareness.

Feel free to continue exploring and asking questions as you delve deeper into this understanding.  It's a process, and every step you take contributes to expanding your awareness.  If there are specific aspects you find challenging or unclear, don't hesitate to reach out and write to me for further clarification.  Your journey of self-discovery is unique, and I'm here to support you along the way.

Which finally leads me to our next episode in The Tricks of Trauma Program, the pervasiveness of constructs.  And these constructs are very important to become aware of, as you have developed them to explain everything and anything you believe.   Every single explanation that you have in your reality, in other words, everything that explains anything, is a CONSTRUCT.  This is what you need to reassess and redefine.  To notice them, and to reevaluate your own personal constructs, to see if these explanations of whatever it is, is to your greatest benefit.

So, let’s jump down this enormous rabbit hole, and discover:  

The Pervasive Web of Constructs – The Reasons Why You Do What You Do  

Constructs are like the building blocks behind everything you do.  They're the reasons you choose to do one thing over another thing.  These mental blueprints, built from your experiences, values, and beliefs, quietly influence your decisions and behaviors. When you understand what your own constructs are, you get a clearer picture of what drives your actions. What makes you do what you do?  Look at them as being the silent orchestrators in the everyday decisions you make, which are the reasons for… anything behind your choices.  In other words, once again, why you do what you do.

The goal is to shift yourself to see, to notice what they are, so that you can operate beyond these constructs, in order to be who you genuinely are.  Remember, CONSTRUCTS are developed around beliefs, which by the way the religious belief system, holds by far the most constructs around it. 

And you would be quite surprised to see how many beliefs wrap themselves around the Religious Belief System. When I refer to the Religious Belief System, I'm not exclusively talking about a specific religion.  Religions are just a fragment of the broader scope of the Religious Belief System. 

Religious beliefs often shape your understanding of what is right and wrong concerning what you do and hence your choices.  They influence how you express in different subjects of what is good and bad; of your identity of who and what you are, and how you express yourself in who and what you are.  Are you beginning to grasp the significance of recognizing and acknowledging your constructs?

So, what exactly is a construct?  A construct is an attachment or an idea that you add to the belief itself.  And that construct creates a type of guideline, that you generally will follow automatically.  Without any thought you simply accept these constructs of a particular belief, and you express them.  They are very influencing of your behaviors and your choices, without you even being the wiser for it, at least not yet.  And then you wonder why things aren’t going quite according to plan.  In many ways they can either create much limitation or they can create conflicts.

Constructs also encompass how you see yourself in the world, and they ripple out to the construct of religions, which have been created well, as obvious constructs in and of themselves.  Religious beliefs involve subjects that delve into the realms of unknown realities, serving as explanations we give ourselves for what we consider to be mysterious.  Consequently, we construct concepts like God, angels, guides, higher beings, and higher selves.  These are all constructs of religious beliefs, influencing your behaviors, your choices, and your directions.  In other words, engaging with just the religious belief system alone, would be far less complex than the elaborate constructs that we develop around the Religious Belief System.       

These societal constructs have been building for century, upon century, upon century.  Even in our present time, we persist in following many of these constructs that intertwine with our beliefs and allow them to shape their influence upon us.  This ongoing devotion to them, is what leads to internal conflicts and to conflicts with others. It's crucial to note that constructs are very distinct from beliefs.  Constructs are the structures you build upon and around beliefs.  Beliefs, in themselves, are expressions that provide explanations for our physical reality, and as you can see there are many, many, many, and boy this time I do mean many, explanations we invent, regarding every single subject that you can name under the sun.

So, let’s look at a subject that many of us find challenging - relationships.  For the sake of focus, let’s zoom in on one belief that is intertwined with relationships, which is good old monogamy.  Relationships by the way, also fall into the Religious Belief System.  Anyway, the essence of the belief in monogamy is that individuals will come together and form a partnership.  Full stop.  That is the belief of monogamy.  Plain and simple.  That’s it.

As you can see, it doesn’t dictate exclusive engagement in sexual relations, meaning you can only have sex with your partner.  The belief in monogamy doesn’t mean that you can only interact in whatever relationships there are with only that one person.  Instead, it centers on choosing a partner to be in partnership with, that may or may not potentially include building a family together.  That is the belief in monogamy in a nutshell.

Now, let’s dive in and let the fun begin as we look at the CONSTRUCTS surrounding the belief in monogamy.  Let’s take a peek at what is weaved around this belief in the following example: 

Imagine this:  your chosen person becomes the perpetual star of your attention, in other words, they are the primary focus of your concentration.  Sexual intimacy is exclusively shared just with this special someone, and absolutely no one else.  Every decision and all choices you make that you assess as being important must be done together with this person.  And that you pledge your commitment to each other, until death does you part.  These are all constructs, built around the belief of monogamy.

However, you will notice that as you navigate the ramifications of what commitment means, you encounter deeper layers that may not always be enchanting, due to the implications of what your dedication should mean and how you should express it.  These constructs in turn create your expectations of how you should behave in your relationship, and when they are not followed, well then, let’s just say all hell can break lose. 

As you can see, the intricate dance of expectations and its expressions, reveal the conflict that these constructs can impose, which in turn creates the opposing energy, and the slithering snake appears.  Which could lead you to divorce court, which is often a traumatic and emotionally painful experience in itself.  Why?  Because without realizing it, you are under the influence of your constructs, that forms a guideline of an elaborate framework for how you should behave, and how that behavior should unfold between the two of you. 

They highlight the nuances of the belief in monogamy which in and of itself, has been simply defined as a partnership.  But boy oh boy, can you see how the constructs that have been developed around this belief, making your journey of self-discovery all the more intriguing to say the least.

Now this is not to say that you may not agree with many of your constructs, but it is important to understand the difference between what a belief is and what the CONSTRUCTS surrounding it are, and how they are influencing you.  Why?  Because these constructs also form your opinions, which takes you where?  Back into the Blame Game, and the Not Enough Syndrome, as you have formed judgments of right and wrong.  Who is right and who is wrong?  What is right and what is wrong?  And then you become very absolute in what you are expressing as your opinion, and you have blocked the path to acceptance and cooperation.

Which is why you have your magic wand to acknowledge everything and anything, and this includes your constructs.  This is how you can neutralize your judgments, and move into the calm waters of acceptance, navigating your way back into cooperation.

As you begin to take a peek to see what your constructs are, ask yourself:

1)      Do I actually believe this?

2)      Do I actually even agree with this?

3)      I see this is the reason that I do this, but do I even like it?

4)      This is the reason that something exists, but what do I really prefer instead?

These are questions you can ask yourself, as you begin to examine your constructs.

Once again, anything that is an explanation for anything, anything that gives you a reason why, or a reason for something, is a CONSTRUCT.  Which if you think about it, is pretty much just about everything in your life.  And now the time has come to call it all into question, so you can assess what is truly important to you.  Not just blindly following all the reasons why and the reasons for everything you do, by telling yourself, “hey, that is just the way it is.  That will only keep you swirling in the victim vortex.

Instead, you begin to notice “how” you are doing what you do, and when that slithering snake starts creeping around, because your construct is opposing your desires, well now you can decapitate it.  You can make another choice, because you say, “you know what I actually don’t really like this construct.  I don’t agree with it.”  And once again, Abracadabra, you have the power to choose, and this is how you fly out of the victim vortex. 

So, allow me to share a story that will help you understand this discussion and illustrate how constructs operate in a scenario.  It’s called:

The Artistic Bargain

In the heart of Peachland, a sculptor named Joanne found herself in a unique artistic venture with Jack, a fervent collector known for his discerning taste.  As they began to discuss the commissioned sculpture Jack had envisioned, the subtleties of their collaboration began to fall apart.

Jack, who was driven by a desire for things to be precise according to his way of seeing things, stated, "Joanne, I'm entrusting you with this creation, but remember it has to align with my vision.  After all, I'm investing in your talent.  Don’t forget, I am the one who is paying you to do it.”

While the fundamental belief in exchange, which simply is defined as one action for another action in equal measure was present, Jack's insistence on aligning every detail with his own vision hinted at a looming overbearing influence.  Joanne, an artist who valued her creative freedom, found herself navigating the delicate balance between her artistic expression and complying to Jack’s erupting demands.  It made the hairs on the top of her head stand up.

However, Joanne maintained her composure.  "I appreciate your vision," she responded diplomatically, attempting to speak with Jack by having a collaborative discussion.  "Jack, why don’t we explore how we can infuse your ideas into the sculpture in a way that still maintains the essence of my artistic expression," she countered.

However, as their discussions continued to unfold, Jack's expectations expanded into a construct of continuous overbearing control.  He began specifying details down to the tiniest components, inadvertently restricting Joanne’s artistic process within the confines of what he expected. 

Their dynamic showcases how constructs around the belief in exchange can morph into an overbearing influence of “I am paying you, therefore I am the boss, and you will do as I ask.”  It was steering their collaboration toward a one-sided direction, further separating Joanne and Jack from the essence of forming a genuine artistic partnership.  

In a pivotal moment, Joanne recognized the emerging constructs of obligation and separation were growing between them.  This realization prompted her to continue having an open dialogue with Jack, as she sought ways to keep their partnership authentic and on equal footing.  

But Joanne was starting to reach the end of her rope, as Jack's expectations kept evolving beyond a simple exchange, of one action for another action, in equal measure.  The belief in what exchange is, was transforming into an implicit obligation for Joanne to conform to every single detail and dictate, and he would not back down. Joanne with great determination, aimed to address these challenges head-on, striving to preserve the collaborative spirit that initially brought them together.  “It seems like I am just talking to a brick wall,” she said to herself.  

"I want this to be perfect," Jack kept on insisting, unintentionally once again reinforcing the construct of obligation, and that he had the right to request what he wanted.  "You're obligated to meet my standards; after all Joanne, don’t forget I'm the one financing this creation, remember?"

A sudden realization struck Joanne, prompting her to switch her tactics, as she initiated a crucial conversation about the constructs that were inadvertently taking root instead.

"I value your investment, Jack, but let's make sure that our collaboration doesn't create any more unnecessary barriers between us," she suggested, aiming to dismantle the separation between them, by the constructs she noticed were surrounding the belief in exchange.

Jack finally reflected on their conversation and acknowledged the unintended separation that had emerged between them, and thought well it was time to put it aside.  The artist and the collector, once bound by a shared vision, had drifted apart due to the constructs that were choking the simplicity of what an exchange is.

"Joanne, I have to admit that I do appreciate your insight, and I agree that we need to make sure our collaboration remains fluid and open.  Why don’t we revisit our initial agreement and redefine the terms, so that we can remove these unintentional barriers that may have crept in,” he said almost apologetically. 

“I want you to know that I do believe in our shared vision, and I'm committed to foster an exchange that truly reflects our mutual understanding and respect, without the construct” he winked, “of obligation either.”  Together, let's strip away these unnecessary constructs and rediscover the simplicity and essence of our artistic collaboration," he finished.

And so, with newfound understanding, Jack and Joanne embarked on a journey to redefine their collaboration. The sculpture, when it was finally unveiled, surpassed what Jack could have ever imagined it could be.  It stood as a testament to the transformative power of dismantling constructs—allowing the pure exchange of artistic expression to flourish once again.  And how did Joanne and Jack accomplish this?  They both neutralized the constructs that surrounded their belief in the exchange, which in this case is money for a sculpture, when they stopped making them important. 

And so, in the lively art community of Peachland, Joanne and Jack's tale spread like wildfire—a story of lessons and inspiration.  It showed everyone the need to spot and deal with those tricky things called constructs, that could mess up the joy of sharing creativity.

Remember, it's important to approach the exploration of your constructs with a gentle and compassionate mindset.  As you navigate through your evaluation, take the time to determine what holds genuine importance for you.  Some questions might not have immediate answers, especially when you're in the process of reshaping your reality, which happens through your newfound awareness.  And that’s okay.

Whether you're redefining concepts like spirituality, relationships, exchange, or any other subject, you alleviate your internal conflict when you stop judging yourself.  Instead, embrace a nurturing and accepting attitude toward yourself.  Allow time for the unfolding of your understanding and of your experiences, as you recognize that the journey of self-discovery is a gradual and a very personal process.  And you take it, one step at a time.

As you explore the uncharted territories of discovering yourself, also give yourself the gift of nurturing, understanding, and your self-acceptance.  Some answers may linger in the shadows, but gradually they will reveal themselves as you journey through the intricate web of your experiences.  Whether it's redefining your constructs, or untangling the threads of your beliefs, approach it with kindness.  No need for self-judgment; your expansion is a beautiful unfolding.  

Embrace the uniqueness of your story and the vibrant colors only you can bring to it. Remember, you are a tapestry of experiences, a mosaic of moments, and your worth is immeasurable, for you are important, you are valuable, and you are wondrous—simply because you breathe.  And we will continue our discussion on this very important subject of constructs, in Part 2 of this episode.

Until next time,

Take self-care.