Emotions, Feelings, and BANG, BANG, Those Nasty Triggers - Part 2
Episode 10, Part 2
Hello and welcome to The Tricks of Trauma Program.
As life weaves its intricate design in our lives, when we experience trauma, it leaves behind threads of distress. Threads we often don’t pay attention to or even notice. In Part 2 of our exploration, let’s begin to unravel these hidden threads, and examine how they can evoke an emotional response within us.
Let’s cast a spotlight on some of the key signs of trauma, and how it causes our uncomfortable, painful, and at times tempestuous feelings. Understanding these subtle pain points and the feelings they signal, can become your guiding compass, helping you to better navigate your emotional landscape. It acts as a guide, helping you to identify your feelings, so that you can acknowledge them and claim your captain's helm.
Whether you're personally coping with these distressing threads, or you recognize them in others, this list also serves to nurture your compassionate understanding. So, you are able to comprehend the experiences and challenges that you or someone else is facing.
Join me as I plunge deeper into the profound impact of trauma, and explore how ACKNOWLEDGING the signal that your feelings are sending, catalyzes transformative steps on your path to healing, in part 2 of,
Emotions, Feelings, and BANG, BANG, Those Nasty Triggers
Dealing with trauma is like navigating through a storm of emotional and psychological turmoil. It's not exactly a walk in the park. It's more like a rollercoaster of anxiety, a constant struggle with the blues, and a battle against haunting flashbacks and scary nightmares. Trusting others becomes an uphill battle, while forming healthy relationships, is like swimming in toxic waters.
So, let's explore 8 key signs, challenges, and issues that many of us grapple with when impacted by trauma, and I will also include a list of feelings that can result.
1) Enduring the aftermath of trauma can manifest in many different physical symptoms, such as persistent headaches, chronic pain, overwhelming fatigue, and disruptions in sleep patterns.
Feelings elicited can be: Ongoing discomfort, aching, throbbing, fatigue, exhaustion, frustration, and restlessness.
2) Navigating the aftermath of trauma often involves grappling with cognitive challenges. This, can make it a struggle for you to be able to concentrate, it can impact your memory, and it can pose challenges to your decision-making processes.
Feelings that can be prompted are: Frustration, confusion, self-doubt, disorientation, annoyance, pressure, and a sense of being overwhelmed.
3) Dealing with the aftermath of trauma may result in self-esteem issues, manifesting as low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, overwhelming feelings of shame and guilt, and a persistently negative self-perception.
Evoked feelings can be: Worthlessness, embarrassment, inferiority, humiliation, remorse, regret, self-loathing, and once again a pervasive negative view of oneself.
4) The aftermath of trauma may lead to isolation and withdrawal, as you may withdraw from social interactions, grapple with feelings of loneliness and isolation, and struggle to connect with others.
Feelings that may be stirred are: Loneliness, sadness, a sense of alienation, melancholy, solitude, detachment, estrangement, and difficulty in relating to others.
5) In the wake of trauma, you may resort to substance abuse, as an unhealthy coping mechanism, as you seek relief from your emotional pain, through these harmful avenues.
Feelings called forth can be: Desperation, remorse, evasion, escapism, guilt, and a cycle of dependency.
6) Surviving the aftermath of trauma can deeply affect your ability to build and sustain healthy relationships. It can cause difficulties and challenges in being able to communicate, as it undermines trust, and disrupts the harmony within your personal connections.
Feelings that can be triggered are: Loneliness, frustration, irritation, discord, skepticism, isolation, distrust, and a sense of disconnection from others.
7) Emotional numbing. This is a coping mechanism where you may unconsciously detach from your emotions, in order to cope with overwhelming feelings. Examples of emotional numbing may include: Suppression of your feelings, dissociation, substance use, avoiding situations, people, or activities to stop the feelings of discomfort, and engaging in risky behaviors. When you pursue activities that get your adrenaline pumping and that are let’s just say on the dangerous side. You do it to cope with your overwhelming feelings.
Feelings instigated can be: Emotional emptiness, detachment, hollow, indifferent, numbed, vacant, and a sense of being emotionally shut down.
8) The impact of trauma on daily functioning is profound, as it interferes with various aspects of your life. It can disrupt your work, school, and other areas of daily functioning, making it challenging to navigate through your routine and your demands of life.
Feelings that can be provoked are: Being overwhelmed, stressed, tense, anxious, even incapacitated, and you have a sense of being unable to cope with daily demands. You feel like you are bandaged in a mummy cast on the inside, while you look and try to act just fine on the outside.
As you can see, when you are under the influence of trauma, a range of challenges surfaces, making daily existence difficult. Physical symptoms, cognitive hurdles, and emotional complexities, become threads in the fabric of all these adverse pain points. It is challenging to navigate your isolation, substance reliance, and relationship issues, as you may be confronting a huge sense of disconnection. This web of experiences highlights the resilience that is required to overcome trauma's aftermath, as you work to restore balance and healing, in order to transform your life.
I have given you an extensive list of feelings, so you can find it easier to identify which ones might be swallowing you down an emotional worm hole. These feelings, when you stew in them for a period of time, is how you create a very dark mood. And whoosh, you get sucked down your emotional wormhole, usually none the wiser as to HOW you got there.
This is why it is so important to address to your feelings and your mood, and to acknowledge when you have fallen down into a dark emotional wormhole. And as I mentioned, if you do plunge into the darkness, you also have the power to find your way out. Another gentle reminder is that these profound feelings often trace back to the Not Enough Syndrome you are wrestling with. It is vital to grasp this facet of trauma, and come to truly understand that you are, indeed, enough.
How? By recognizing and addressing your feelings and your situation. And remember, to address something means dedicating time to change your behaviors, to change your feelings, and accept the situations you've experienced. In other words, understanding that you are enough is an important key that unlocks your power to heal your soul. Your efforts in acknowledging and transforming these aspects play a pivotal role in your healing journey and transformation.
This is the pathway to self-empowerment. It unfolds when you stop judging yourself, release the weight of guilt, and let go of any lingering regret. Instead, you can acknowledge your actions, learn from them, and ultimately empower yourself. Soon,
I'll share a secret, kind of like a remedy – a magic spell if you will – designed to guide you towards calmer, more tranquil waters, allowing you to navigate life in a state of heightened empowerment.
Yet, when confronted with challenges, adversities, and a host of undesired events – whether it problems, encounters with stupid, ignorant people, accidents, or illnesses – you may find yourself asking that universal question, "WHY?" Why did this happen to me? Why would I create a reality that entails pain, broken relationships, or physical injuries? This is just what happened to me. I didn't orchestrate these events. I wasn't out there looking for trouble, you say. How could I possibly have foreseen breaking my ankle and why would I create that, you ask?
Well, when you have to face undesired situations, you know, things you don’t like, you immediately ask ourselves, "Why did I do that?" or "Why did that happen?" The catch is, this constant questioning of "why" doesn't necessarily lead to a clear answer. The real magic unfolds when you shift your question from "Why do I do that?" to "How am I doing that?" By delving into the 'how,' you might come upon unexpected insights about yourself. Otherwise, persistently asking "why" is kind of like to watching a dog chasing its tail – round and round in an endless loop without getting anywhere.
And that continuous loop of thinking to rationalize your predicament, asking why, seeking a one-line answer, is how you continue to create what you don’t like. How? Because you are habituated to act in these patterns since you experienced trauma. And then you become frustrated, you blame yourself for being so stupid, why did I do that, if only I did that instead, then this wouldn’t have happened. We have all been taught to do this.
We think that this is a sane and rational approach to deal with our problems. And the question begs, how is that approach working for you? Is it being successful in your healing, is it making you feel good about yourself, helping you to move forward to do what is to your greatest benefit? Are you climbing up your mountain, amazed at witnessing your own transformation? I doubt it.
Now that doesn’t mean that you ignore your problems either, or pretend that they don’t exist. What it means is that in order to release the energy from your invisible container that you carry, to decapitate the head of the snake of opposing energy, and stop the fight, you must as I mentioned, ACKNOWLEDGE it. Whatever it is, acknowledge it. Whether you broke your ankle, find yourself ill, are experiencing an unfortunate event, are struggling in the depths of a dark emotional wormhole, you do the formula I shared with you in episode 6, which I am about to expand by adding two more steps, to complete the process of acknowledgement.
Let’s call this vital tool to ACKNOWLEDGE whatever it is, that is in your Tricks of Trauma Bag,
The Magic Wand of “IT DOESN’T MATTER!.”
Visualize waving your magic wand as you cast a spell of IT DOESN’T MATTER over yourself. All it requires is that you do the four steps I am about to share with you, so you can magically change your perception. For you see, your perception is what creates your reality, and you have the power to change it. How? Once again, by waving your magic wand of “IT DOESN’T MATTER.” Which means you are neutralizing the judgment of whatever it is as being good or bad. You stop fighting with it. You stop the opposing energy, the blame, the hurt feelings, whatever it is, as IT DOESN’T MATTER to you any longer. IT genuinely MATTERS NOT.
Now that doesn’t mean that nothing matters. It means that whatever it is, it stops bothering you. You stop making it important, therefore you reach the moment when IT DOESN’T MATTER, to you. And this is how you can cast your magic spell, as you have the power to create the reality you desire. And keep in mind, that no one else can cast this spell for you. After all, no one else can create your reality.
As I mentioned, this is not to be confused with saying that nothing matters in your reality either. No that’s definitely not the point. Once again, it simply means that whatever has been irking you, causing you to be angry, upset, hurt, or whatever else you are fighting with and opposing, by waving your magic wand and doing the next 4 steps, allows you to see things from a different perspective.
It assists you in being able to grab hold of your steering wheel, as you pay attention to what you are doing. Why? Because you stop being swayed and influenced by what you don’t like and what you are feeling. You free your energy to flow in a new direction, and then you can begin to make choices to go where you truly want to go. To be successful by whatever your definition of success is.
So, Step 1: ACKNOWLEDGE whatever it is. Define whatever it is.
Imagine if you broke your ankle. Instead of labeling it as being good or bad, just see it for what it is. Accept that it happened. Stop judging the situation as being good or bad – it simply just is.
Step 2: Express that energy.
If you've broken your ankle for example, your reaction might involve yelling, crying, or shouting. You may cry out "Holy shit, this hurts!" or "Owwwwwwww" could also escape your lips, and that’s okay. Whether you explode in a tirade of cursing, punching a pillow, or going for a jog or walk, (unless you broke your ankle that is) doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you find a way to express the energy safely.
Step 3: Now release the energy. Let it go.
You will notice this happens very quickly. This is when you find that you are no longer concerned or bothered by whatever it is. Why? Because you have stopped fighting with it. Those icky feelings have dissipated, magically into thin air, as you eagerly waved your wand, and now IT DOESN’T MATTER. You may even remember when you have done this before.
A time you can recall when you were so upset or frustrated with someone or something, that you finally said to yourself, “Holy shift, I am bloody well done. I fricking give up! You know what? I’m out of here.” Then suddenly, as you let go, and you are out of there, you feel all that energy draining away. You can actually notice the moment you release it.
If you do not stop, to do these steps and acknowledge whatever it is, then you cannot let go and release the opposing energy. Your invisible container will continue to fill up and eventually it will explode. Remember energy always has to go somewhere, as you cannot keep it contained.
And finally Step 4: a very important Step to remember, is to DISTRACT yourself.
And so, my dear friends, this is how you weave the magic spell of IT DOESN’T MATTER. Remember DISTRACTION is also another very powerful tool in your Tricks of Trauma Bag, as I mentioned in episode 8, of the program. Do you remember the story of Amy who went into the forest to DISTRACT herself? When you focus your attention on something else, it helps you to regain your peace and calm. The fight is over. Now you are free to take another gigantic leap up your mountain.
Waving your magic wand of IT DOESN’T MATTER does require practice however, so that you can condition yourself to behave in this manner. I do forewarn you, that you will experience much resistance at first, as your body is used to moving in certain directions. It doesn’t want to let those patterns and habits that you have been repeating over and over and over again, for such a long time, well it doesn’t want to it let go. It wants to keep doing what is familiar. And then what happens?
You lose your motivation, because you start saying to yourself, “Gee, this is just too hard,” or “Oh my gosh, this is going to take such a long time, are you kidding?” or “What is the point, I am never going to be able to remember to do all this stuff anyway.” And now what are you doing? You are going to move back to doing the same thing you were trying to do before you waved your magic wand. Which is what? Looking for answers that will show you how to fix it. And you remain stuck at the bottom of your mountain, with your leg in a trap, unable to free yourself, for what you seek to learn how to fix, is not broken.
And now here is where the real magic begins. Once you have refocused, recalibrated, reset yourself, and IT DOESN’T MATTER, you become more relaxed and calmer. This is when your answers can come to you, well that is if you don’t give up. Once you are no longer bothered by your broken ankle, what the other person is doing, or what you are feeling, and you have stopped fighting and opposing yourself, you will present yourself with, well let’s just call it a revelation. As if out of nowhere, you come to see the answer to your question, problem, difficulty or challenge. How? It will present itself to you.
This requires that you stop saying, this is my problem, now give me the answer as to how to solve it. Nope. That strategy shall we say, will only keep you compartmentalized. Why? Because you are focusing your attention in only one direction. Therefore, your answer is not to look for a specific answer to solve your problem. Your answer is to become more satisfied, more comfortable, happy, confident that you know how to address any difficult situation, without being reactive, or to have to try to look for an answer. Why? Because you are living in the present moment.
To be present in the moment, is not asking how can I get my boss to stop being such an idiot, as we can never see eye to eye on anything? What can I do about them? What is the answer to this problem? Is the answer to change my job? Should I try to change my boss? Why is he such a tyrant? And if I quit my job, what job should I look for instead? Do you see where this is going?
Or perhaps you are dealing with your partner, who doesn't seem to care about things that are important to you. That can be tough, especially when it's about the things you're learning to grow and change. You get frustrated because they don't seem to give a flying leap, about your personal development journey. Then you start looking for an answer. "How can I get them to care and listen about what these important things to me are?"
But here's the thing: asking to find the answer to how you can manipulate someone into sharing your interests, won't lead you anywhere good. It's like going down a dark alley way, where you won't see your revelations, and the answers you find create conflict.
The answer my dear fellow earth traveler, that you are seeking, is one that you have probably never heard of nor experienced yet. I would be willing to bet, that when I reveal the answer, you may not believe it is the solution you are looking for, or that it will answer all of your questions. But it does.
However, you must break the pattern, your habits, what you have been taught, to stop seeking one-line answers that will make everything better. So, are you ready to hear what the answer is to all of your questions, problems, challenges, and difficulties?
The answer is: WHAT ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION TO?
“Huh? What?” you ask dumbfounded. “What the hell kind of answer is that? That’s a question by the way, not an answer,” as you shake your head. “How does that ridiculous question, answer all my problems and difficulties? How can that question, give me the answers to all these things, when it doesn’t even answer anything. And you shudder in disbelief.
And I will answer you by asking another question.
What are you paying attention to when you are disgruntled, angry, frustrated, irked, bothered, whatever it is? You are paying attention to what you don’t like, what makes you uncomfortable, what creates your dark moods. This is why you are not being successful in finding your answers that will bring you satisfaction, contentment, and peace.
When you begin to pay attention differently, after you use your magic wand of IT DOESN’T MATTER, you see that you are paying attention to yourself, and you are not influenced and bothered by what is happening outside of you, or by your feelings, or whatever else it is. Why? Because you are ACKNOWLEDGING whatever that is. You are taking the time to move the knowledge of the 4 steps I shared with you, and you are putting them into your experience. You are breathing life into the magic, by doing the steps, and change your reality. All by asking yourself the question, WHAT AM I PAYING ATTENTION TO?
Now, you begin to pay attention to what you want to do instead, and you move yourself in the direction of accomplishing that. Once again, this requires you to pay attention differently than how you are used to doing, and how you have been taught to. Which is why you can use your magic trick in your Tricks of Trauma Bag to DISTRACT yourself. Otherwise, you will lead your attention back to comparing, complaining, judging, lamenting, and controlling. And what are you creating? You create conflict when you try to prove, or make use of those one-line answers, that you are only paying attention to.
I hope I've made it clear why shifting your focus is so impactful. When you change what you pay attention to, it frees you from the frustration of trying to control others or the external world. Your outer reality is an extension of you, not a separate entity to manipulate. The attempt to manipulate arises when you're seeking ways to make someone do what you want. This is control. Instead, embracing acceptance for who you are and who they are, whilst trusting yourself becomes the answer, to all your problems, difficulties, and challenges.
Here lies the key to finding your peace, satisfaction, and happiness—by letting go of the need to be right about everything, or trying to control everything. Once you embrace this mindset, you'll be surprised at how things unfold when you radiate a relaxed and calm energy. Your partner might notice your deep absorption with the information you're exploring, and may start asking you questions.
Their curiosity could lead to unexpected and meaningful conversations, allowing you to share what you are passionate about. And so, abracadabra, just as you desired, without any expectations or trying to control. There's no need to spark opposition or defensiveness; instead, you've discovered a way to manifest your desire by allowing it to unfold. How did you do that? By trusting yourself.
Remember, skipping any of these steps means you won't find success. You'll remain on the hamster wheel, caught in a cycle of repeat thinking, attempting to rationalize why did this happen to me. Your quest to find answers to fix the situation will only persist, as your answers lie in your self-acceptance and trust.
As I wrap up this insightful journey into the world of Emotions, Feelings, and those BANG, BANG Nasty Triggers, I encourage you to pause, take a deep breath, and reflect. In the final part of this episode, I will share with you why certain situations spark a wildfire of reaction within you? You know, when you get your trigger pulled, and you go BANG, BANG.
Brace yourself for an insightful exploration into what triggers are, why they occur, and how they are no one’s fault.
So, please join me next time, as I unpack different perspectives, providing you with valuable tools to navigate and understand the intricate realm of your feelings. Your commitment to your journey is commendable. Together, we'll delve deeper into the details of healing and understanding trauma, shaping our path towards resilience and transformation.
Until next time,
Take self-care.