Addressing to Trauma - Part 1
Episode 13 Part One
Hello and welcome to the Tricks of Trauma Program
As we set sail on our final episode,
Addressing to Trauma
it's time to chart the course for our personal healing journey.
In this episode, we'll navigate through the four steps to address trauma, delve into the transformative power of genuine forgiveness, and explore the sensitive topic of suicide. Together, we'll chart the path to healing, guiding each other through the twists and turns of our emotional landscapes, with compassion as our compass, and understanding as our North Star. Let's embark on this voyage of self-discovery and healing, knowing that we're not alone, and that every step we take brings us closer to reconnecting with our genuine selves and restores our well-being.
This program serves as your guiding light, directing you toward self-empowerment, as it frees you from your psychological wounds. It is important to keep in mind that the subject of trauma does require time and effort to heal, and unfortunately there are no quick fixes, magic potions, or short cuts. You begin by acknowledging and addressing your experiences and memories, delving deep into understanding how they've influenced and shaped you. First, you must fully acknowledge your experience, accepting it for what it is without judgment or resistance. Then, you take proactive steps to genuinely learn how to cope with and process the trauma.
When addressing your psychological wounds, it's essential not only to acknowledge that the trauma occurred, but also to examine its various aspects. This involves moving through the entire process, which includes understanding who was involved in perpetrating the experience and how you became a victim of it. By exploring these facets, it leads you to expand your awareness and gain insights into your choices and participation in the experience. While you may not fully understand everything at this stage, developing your awareness of your choices and participation in what happened, is a crucial step in the healing journey.
Navigating this aspect however can be particularly tricky and challenging. It requires that you arrive at a point where you accept your role in the experience, even though you were initially a victim of it. Why? Because when you recognize your participation, it allows you to acknowledge the existence of choices within the situation.
Regardless of what happened, you also made choices, even though they certainly were not intentional, as there is an obvious difference. Yet, despite the circumstances, there were actions taken, even if they were not deliberate or intentional. This distinction is extremely significant to realize, as it highlights the complexity of personal agency within traumatic events.
Addressing trauma involves two key aspects: the objective and the subjective. The objective part of addressing to entails recognizing and defining the traumatic experience, which may not always be obvious to everyone, as many people don’t see their experiences as being traumatic. After all, they are just fine and consider it normal. Therefore, it's crucial to acknowledge and be able to label the experience as trauma before you can move forward.
Once you recognize that, the next step involves making conscious choices to reconnect with what was disconnected during the traumatic event. This process, I will delve into later, which involves an exercise aimed at reestablishing the connection between the memory and the associated feelings. But there is much inner work to do before you come to that part of the trauma healing process, which I will be assisting you with along the way.
The second part, is the subjective aspect, where the bulk of the work lies. This part of your awareness involves identifying the experience itself, its participants, and its implications. It delves into how the experience has affected you physically, biologically, and physiologically, including how it has impacted your nervous system and brain. In essence, the subjective awareness addresses all these aspects, which you don't necessarily have to handle directly.
Therefore, addressing to trauma encompasses the process of moving through the expression of the experience, identifying the influences of trauma, all the various behaviors that resulted from it, and ultimately healing from it.
Why is it important to understand what your influences of trauma are? Because they are what cause your coping mechanisms and opposing behaviors. In other words, you come to see how you play the role of perpetrator as well. Remember, whenever you are not expressing as a victim, you are expressing as a perpetrator. Why? Because it is a circle, and you will continuously engage that circle, going around and around until you address your trauma.
Then you can move yourself into compassionate understanding in knowing that you were doing the best you could to navigate life with what you knew at the time. Now that you are armed with having expanded your awareness to see what you are doing, you can break free from the cycle of victimhood and take ownership of your choices in life, and begin to change your behaviors.
Imagine, for example, a person who grew up in an environment of constant criticism and judgment. Their coping mechanism might have been to withdraw or become defensive in response to any form of feedback. Over time, this pattern becomes ingrained, and they find themselves unable to accept constructive criticism or engage in healthy conflict resolution. However, with their newfound awareness, they can recognize this pattern of behavior and choose to respond differently. Instead of withdrawing or becoming defensive, they can learn to communicate openly and assertively, fostering healthier relationships and in turn their personal growth.
As you climb your mountain, a new perspective dawns upon you. You begin to see how your feelings, internalized constructs, and behaviors have been dictating your choices and not you. You recognize the patterns that steer you away from your satisfaction and contentment, and you discover your power to choose to move in a new direction. And Yippee Ay Yai!
You finally fly out of the victim vortex, and begin walking a path that becomes synchronized with your genuine desires.
You come to know that you hold the power to choose, and you can indeed see many choices that lie before you. You are no longer entangled in the Blame Game or the Not Enough Syndrome. You acknowledge your role in perpetuating your past patterns, and how you played the role of perpetrator in the victim dynamic as well, with no shame, blame, judgment, or guilt.
For example, let’s look at someone who has always struggled with feelings of unworthiness and inadequacy due to their past experiences of rejection. They may constantly seek validation and approval from others, often sacrificing their own needs and desires in the process. However, with their newfound awareness and self-acceptance, they can break free from this cycle. They recognize that their worthiness is inherent and not dependent on needing anyone to validate them. As a result, they learn to set boundaries, prioritize self-care, and pursue their passions without seeking approval from others.
Therefore, with intention and awareness, you accept the position you are in, and you catch yourself in old habits, as you consciously choose a new way to go forward. Though this transition period may feel daunting at first, each step brings you closer to your genuine self and your freedom. As you embrace these changes, you find yourself expressing in new ways, shedding old layers to reveal your true self, and your feelings no longer steer your ship. You are now at the helm steering in the direction you want to explore. It's a journey of tremendous growth, and though it is challenging, the rewards you gain are boundless.
Give yourself the freedom to experiment and explore new directions, infusing each step with joy, making it a playful adventure, even laughing as you find humor along the way. Once again, you're delving into uncharted territory, as you explore new ways of being. Be prepared to embrace the uncertainty and occasional moments of fear, and recognize that’s okay too, as it is a natural part of your journey. Just remember to acknowledge your feelings. Most importantly, be gentle with yourself and refrain from harsh self-judgment as you navigate through this transformative phase. Acceptance is your pathway to the top of your mountain.
Denying your reality won't serve you well either, especially if you try to convince yourself that everything is just fine. But what exactly is denial? It is the definition of shames partner is silence. When you sweep conflicts and patterns of behavior under the rug, refusing to seek guidance and understanding, you inadvertently promote what you're trying to avoid, leaving yourself feeling quite uncomfortable.
Think about it: when you ignore issues you are having with friends, partners, or family members, do those problems magically disappear? Of course not. Instead, they tend to intensify and become more pressing. This also applies to your internal dialogue. If you ignore your own feelings and push them away, your signal will only grow louder until they demand your attention. If you fail to acknowledge and address these emotional signals, they can lead to physical manifestations or so-called accidents that you'd rather not deal with. Always keep in mind the invisible container you carry, which gradually fills up with all your opposing energy, when you don’t address your feelings, until it reaches its breaking point and goes KABOOM!
In our modern era, we're witnessing a gigantic surge in illnesses and manifestations of dis-ease unlike any other time in our history. Why? Because in this present time framework, we have a tendency to ignore them, you know, turn a blind eye, sweep issues under the rug, even medicate them, and therefore we avoid addressing them. This pattern of avoidance, coupled with justifying and rationalizing our actions, does take a toll on our bodies. And all this stress is what contributes to the development of some type of disease or accident. And KABOOM, your energy container has exploded.
For generations, we've been taught not to pay attention to ourselves. We have been conditioned to prioritize external demands over our own well-being. This societal norm often leads to a stark contrast between neglecting our inner selves and consciously creating a reality rooted in acceptance and self-awareness. An example of not paying attention to ourselves might be ignoring signs of stress or emotional discomfort, pushing through exhaustion without taking a rest, or dismissing our own needs in favor of meeting other people’s expectations.
However, when we choose to address these patterns and prioritize self-care, we begin to cultivate a new reality. This could include practices such as setting boundaries to protect our mental and emotional health, engaging in regular self-reflection and mindfulness to stay connected with our inner state, and seeking support when needed. By embracing acceptance and self-awareness, we pave the way for greater harmony, health, and overall well-being in our lives.
Acceptance once again requires that you stop being intolerant of others, in that different beliefs, ideas, and opinions stop threatening you. You trust yourself as you know you can accomplish what you want, deserve, and desire. And your acceptance results in caring relationships with others, free from any concern or worry about what they are doing or choosing.
When you find yourself resisting what is, take a moment to reflect:
What are you doing?
What are you saying?
Are you caught up being defensive, protecting your personal preferences, beliefs, and opinions, perhaps even resorting to aggressive or abusive behavior?
It's important to recognize that defense always breeds opposition, and it lacks harmony and cooperation. These are all trauma influenced behaviors, that you can change. On the other hand, acceptance requires openness and vulnerability. It entails letting go of the need to shield and defend yourself, as you allow the flow of cooperation and your intentions to manifest.
When you stop living in fear, and turn your attention to what you are doing, life begins to genuinely flow in a way that brings you satisfaction and comfort, because you stop judging and fighting. That is a very different reality you can transform to, rather than turning your head or ignoring your issues, feelings, and situation.
This doesn’t mean that you don’t care what about what anyone else is doing. Just because you accept what they are doing doesn’t mean that it does not affect you. We all affect each other. Why? Because we are all interconnected and that means with everyone and everything. Therefore, it does affect you, just as you affect all else.
Of course, it's natural to have judgments, as they stem from your own opinions and personal values. And, it's important to honor these judgments, acknowledging what feels right or wrong for you personally. However, it's equally as important not to hold them as the absolute truth that must be imposed on others, as you dismiss and shoo them away into the dog house so to speak, if they don’t agree with you.
It doesn’t mean that you clam up and don’t say anything either, if you are not on the same page with someone. You have a voice and it is important that you feel comfortable expressing yourself, without causing others to feel uncomfortable. It's about striking a balance between honoring your own convictions while also respecting the perspectives of those around you.
Remember, difference always triggers a sense of threat within us. It threatens you personally, as it threatens your self-acceptance. Why? Because we have a tendency to judge ourselves by what we see outside of ourselves. When you automatically compare yourself to others, you are not allowing your own natural flow of energy to embrace diversity. So, it is easy to trick yourself into thinking that you are being open-minded and liberal within your thinking and expressions, and that you are accepting of differences, but are you really? Take a pause and reflect on whether you are genuinely embracing differences or merely paying lip service to it.
As you address your trauma, you become more present in each moment. This newfound presence allows you to step back from having reactive responses, which leads you to notice quite a decrease in being judgmental towards others. As you climb up your mountain, you'll find that while you may still express agreement or disagreement, it becomes less about trying to get external validation from the other person, and it becomes more about sharing your personal perspective.
This shift towards acceptance enables you to view everything in your reality as simply an experience, and this is how you free yourself from the weight of judgment or the need for control. When you can embrace this mindset, it allows you to foster genuine acknowledgment as you practice acceptance, allowing yourself to navigate life's twists and turns, with grace and compassionate understanding.
When you encounter something in your life or environment that you don’t like, anything that triggers discomfort or fear, NOTICE that, then take a moment to reflect inwardly and ask yourself:
What kind of energy am I projecting?
Are you adding to the negativity and what you don’t like by opposing it, or are you shifting your focus towards what you are doing, cultivating a deeper awareness of your connection to everything around you? Remember, the path to healing starts within yourself, not in trying to fix the external world. We actually don't need to heal our planet; we need to heal ourselves. When we heal from trauma, we naturally care for our planet as an extension of ourselves.
Our beloved Mother Earth is in distress, reacting to the harm we've inflicted upon her. She will adapt and respond to compensate for the damage caused by our neglect and refusal to address our own trauma, which has led to our age of disposability. Unfortunately, we continue to disregard the impact of our actions and continue to persist in behaviors that wreak havoc on our precious home.
When you do take a new direction, and change your opposing behaviors and energy, you are forming new grooves in your brain. Your brain has the ability to reorganize and form new neural connections throughout your life, in response to learning new ways of being, and the resulting experiences you create.
Neuroplasticity, often dubbed as the brain's ability to rewire itself, is like a muscle that grows stronger with exercise. When you consciously change ingrained behavior patterns, such as forming new habits or thought pathways, you're actually reshaping your brain's neural connections. Just like carving a new path through a forest, the more you repeat this new behavior, the stronger and more defined that neural pathway becomes. Over time, these changes in your brain structure and function can lead to lasting improvements in your behavior, cognition, and overall well-being
As you adopt new behaviors and chart new courses in your life, you begin a transformative process within your brain. Traumatic memories, typically stored in the right hemisphere, start to trigger the formation of new neural pathways on the left side. Once these memories and associated emotions are moved into the left hemisphere, they lose their potency as triggers.
Consequently, your triggers diminish, offering you greater clarity and presence in the moment. You no longer find yourself projecting into what happened in the past, reliving traumatic experiences, or intensifying their importance. Instead, you embrace the power of the present moment, and you focus on what truly matters for your growth and well-being.
Remember that each and every step forward you take, no matter how small, is a victory in your journey toward healing. Each moment of being self-aware and finding acceptance is a triumph over the shadows of trauma. Embrace the light that shines within you, as it guides you along the path of self-discovery and empowerment.
You are not alone on this journey; together, we can overcome the barriers that hold us back so we can emerge stronger and more resilient. Take time to nurture yourself, to reflect on your progress, and to celebrate the courage it takes to confront the past and embrace the future.
In part two, we will go deeper into the four steps to address trauma, forgiveness, and finding hope in the face of despair. Remember to be kind to yourself and to others, for in kindness lies the key to unlocking the door to healing.
So, let's take a moment to acknowledge the bravery it takes to confront our traumas and to embark on the journey of healing. Each step we take, no matter how small, brings us closer to a brighter tomorrow. Remember, healing is not linear; it's a winding path that is filled with ups and downs. It’s not about fixing what’s broken, rather it’s about reconnecting and rediscovering the wholeness within ourselves.
May you find inspiration, courage, and unwavering determination on your path to healing.
Until next time,
Take self-care.